In Divorce, Separate Money and Emotions
In the turmoil of divorce, it's easy to allow your emotions to take over. You may feel as if your spouse is purposely trying to leave you financially unstable. However, in reality, your spouse might also be navigating the uncertainties of asset division and not intending to harm you financially. Therefore, it's crucial to separate feelings from the facts of the situation, ensuring a fair and rational approach to the divorce process.
The objective in divorce is not to 'win', but rather to find an equitable method of dividing shared assets. It's important to remember that the end goal of divorce isn't to conquer, but to reach an agreement that respects both parties' interests. Consider the case of Lisa, who was initially intent on 'winning' her divorce by claiming most of the marital assets. Eventually, she realized that focusing on 'winning' was only extending the process and causing more conflict. Once she shifted her perspective to finding a way to equitably split assets, negotiations became smoother and less adversarial.
Emphasize what is 'equitable' or 'fair' over what is 'equal' or 'even steven.' There might be a tendency to view an equal division of assets as the fairest solution, but an equitable division—accounting for each individual's needs and contributions—might be more appropriate and is typically the viewpoint taken in a court of law. For instance, Joan, who had sacrificed her career to raise their children, argued during her divorce that she deserved a larger share of their joint assets, recognizing her unpaid domestic labor and limited job prospects post-divorce. Her emphasis was not on 'equality' but on 'fairness'.
Often, resentment and anger can fuel the desire to make your spouse 'pay' for their perceived wrongs, but it's essential to let go of the notion of revenge. Using your divorce as a means of retaliation can only make the process more difficult and painful. Stephanie learned this the hard way when her vindictive pursuit in her divorce proceedings led to increased legal fees, extended court battles, and escalating tension with her ex-spouse.
Your attorney or other paid professional should not serve as your primary source of emotional support. While they can provide valuable advice, their role is not to be a therapist or counselor. Emma, for instance, found that by leaning heavily on her lawyer for emotional support, she was incurring hefty legal bills without making progress in her case. She later joined a support group and began seeing a counselor, which helped her better handle her emotional struggles without overburdening her legal representation.
Always consider the worst-case scenario and prepare yourself for it. In doing so, you prevent panic and enable yourself to face the situation calmly if it arises. Rebecca, for example, was terrified of being left with little financial support after her divorce. She decided to meet with a financial advisor who helped her plan for this worst-case scenario, assuring her that she could survive and eventually thrive even if she ended up with less than expected in her divorce settlement.
Joining a divorce group can provide much-needed support and perspective. These groups consist of people who are going through similar situations, and their shared experiences can offer valuable insights. When Laura was going through her divorce, she felt isolated and misunderstood by her friends and family. Joining a divorce support group offered her a community that truly understood her struggles and provided practical advice based on their own experiences. Consider joining a support group where you can share your feelings, listen to others, and gain encouragement during this challenging period.